Come, Emmanuel

Advent is almost to a close. There is such an ache inside of me. My heart aches for something. What seems to be an ache for companionship, for love, is really an ache for something greater. An ache for the King of Kings to come dwell in my heart. An ache for Him to be born again into my being.

This Advent has certainly been an interesting one. I have been journeying with Mary and learning, well trying to learn, how to trust like her. She had perfect trust in the Lord's plan. I know she was without sin so she had an advantage, but I still have been looking to her example and striving to be like her. I am learning to trust that if I jump from the cliff, He will catch me. If I fall, He will be there. I am trying my best to believe in my heart, in the depths of my soul, that He loves me and wants me to be happy.

If I had been alive for that very first Christmas so long ago, would I have been an inn keeper that turned them away because I had no room? Have I made enough room in my heart for the King to lay His head? Or would I have been like the wise men, who had such faith that they followed a star, not knowing if it would actually take them where they dreamed it would.

I hope I would be the latter. I hope that I would have the faith to follow a star in search of a King. But I don't know that I would. Even today, knowing that He is real, knowing that He came into this world, knowing that He died to save me, I still have a hard time believing.

As Advent comes to a close, I pray that God will fill me with a greater sense of my dependence on Him, a greater awareness of His love for me, and a greater knowledge of His presence in my life. I pray the same for all of you as well.

O come, divine Messiah!
The world in silence waits the day
When hope shall sing its triumph,
And sadness flee away.

Advent rejuvenation

Since it is the beginning of Advent, I have been reflecting on how I want to bring in this liturgical New Year. I stumbled upon this quote by Pope Francis, and it has been my springboard:

"This journey is never finished. Just as in the life of each one of us there is always a need to start again, to get back up, to rediscover the meaning of our existence, so for the great human family it is necessary always to redirect ourselves toward the common horizon that is the goal of our journey. It is the horizon of hope! This is the horizon of a good journey. The season of Advent that today we begin once again, restores the horizon of hope for us, a hope that does not disappoint because it is founded on the Word of God. It is a hope that does not disappoint simply because the Lord never disappoints! He is faithful! He does not disappoint! Let us think about and feel this beauty." -Pope Francis

I have for a while been in a time of great discernment, great purification, and unfortunately great confusion as a result of that. I realized, though that I have become so consumed with "figuring out my life" that I have lost my ability to live out my first vocation, which is to become holy. What more appropriate time to start over then now? I am looking forward to re-opening my heart and preparing it for the Lord of the Universe to lay His head. For the duration of Advent, I am going to try and not plan my future. I am going to try and not "pray about my vocation". This may seem counterproductive, but for now, I need to focus on praying just to pray, just to give God honor. I need to wait on His timing, as I am waiting for Him to be born again in our hearts.

4 Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. 5 Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act. 6 He will bring forth your vindication as the light, and your right as the noonday. 7 Be still before the LORD, and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over him who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices! 8 Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil. 9 For the wicked shall be cut off; but those who wait for the LORD shall possess the land. - Psalm 37

(Linking up over at Natalie's!)