Don't settle in your friendships

Recently, I was talking to someone about alcohol consumption. Let's call this person Fred. After hearing many of Fred's "drunken stories", he asked if I had any funny stories. Clearly Fred and I do not really know each other, or he wouldn't be asking this, because I simply responded that I do not like getting drunk. He pressed further, and so I told him, my moral reasoning aside, that I don't like feeling out of control, acting like a fool, and probably feeling sick from it later. It just isn't fun to me, and I am perfectly capable of having a good time without it. Don't get me wrong, I am not against alcohol, but just in moderation.

Fred then responded that he either won't drink or he will get drunk. He never does the in-between. This made no sense to me. I asked him if he even liked getting drunk, to which he responded, surprisingly, that he does not. So why do you do it then? "Just because my friends are and I don't want them to feel bad if I am not." 

I have been thinking about that conversation since then and for some reason have been pondering his response. It just seems so relativistic. How often do we just go along with things because we don't want people to "feel bad", even if doing it goes against what we like or even what we believe? Why do we do this? If one of your answers is that you are afraid of losing your friends, well honey, I think it is time to find some real friends who will unconditionally love and accept you.

It is sad to me that we as people are so desperate for love and acceptance, that we will do anything just to remain part of something, to have a sense of 'belonging'. Unfortunately, our world is broken and there will be times where we experience rejection and heartache. But don't sell yourself short, don't change who you are just to have a temporary relief from your loneliness or your boredom. And I need to remind myself of this as much as anyone else. Don't settle for mediocre friendships that don't cause you to grow and flourish. Maybe you don't know where to start though, or where you could possibly find such community. Start with looking inside yourself, discovering your likes and dislikes, what are you passionate about, what are your goals, and then finding people with similar interests. Maybe even be so bold as to invite God to show you who you are, to lead you to deeper friendships, to help you find what you are looking for.

I know I could be reading too much into a simple conversation, but hey, that is what a psychology major tends to do. Just don't give up. Trust me, it is not worth it.

"What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?" - Matthew 16:26

NAS: The love of friendship

Linking up with the NAS

I have learned a lot about myself and how to love through my friendships. In college, I was privileged and blessed beyond belief to be a part of a household, which basically is Franciscan's version of sororities and fraternities with a Catholic twist. There are about 43 households, each based off a different virtue of aspect of our faith, and we sign a covenant, committing to live a faithful life and to help one another grow in holiness. My household is Regina Angelorum, or "Queen of the Angels", and my sisters and I would have weekly mass, rosary, holy hours, share groups, and other activities together.

Without a doubt, my best of friendships have come out of this group of women. Never in my life have I seen such real, authentic, raw, vulnerable human love. These friends sisters have stood by me through the thick and the thin. Through the moments where we laugh so hard our sides hurts, through praying with each other in our heartaches and tears during all hours of the night, through looking a sister in the eye and asking how she is really doing, through dragging one another to mass at 6:30 in the morning, through the moments where we are so lost in shadow and despair that nothing keeps us together except the love and prayers of our sisters. Through the excitements, the joys, the losses, the sharing of our hearts. This is the real love of friendship. And this love requires vulnerability. I would not have the beautiful relationships that I have if I had kept my heart enclosed for fear of it getting hurt again. I would not be the woman I am today without having friends who loved me enough to kick my butt and tell me when I was wrong or to encourage me when I was hesitantly walking the right path. I know that no matter what, no matter what time, no matter the distance, there are always 200+ women whom I am blessed to call sisters and who are always ready to love on each other. So to these beautiful women, wherever you are, thank you for teaching me how to love and be loved. Know that I hold you all in my heart.

Fight the good fight always

A bunch of sisters were visiting so of course we took a picture!

From retreat last spring

Thanksgiving party :)

A household sisters wedding in CT!

My two little sisters and I


And of course, our mother and her Son!

Cue the tears...