The Divorce of the Heart

"Very seldom are we ever invited to live out of our heart. If we are wanted, we are often wanted for what we can offer functionally. If rich, we are honored for our wealth; if beautiful, for our looks, if intelligent, for our brains. So we learn to offer only those parts of us that are approved, living out a carefully crafted performance to gain acceptance from those who represent life to us. We divorce ourselves from our heart and begin to live a double life."           -The Sacred Romance: Drawing Closer to the Heart of God, Brent Curtis, John Eldredge.

I just started reading this book a week or so ago, and this quote has been haunting me since the moment I read it. There is so much packed into this statement. This phenomena can be seen pretty much everywhere, whether in the extremes of celebrities, those who invest all of their lives into their jobs, women who continually use their bodies for attention... I could go on, but I think you can think of your own examples. I think the most recent extreme example I can think of is the whole Miley Cyrus drama going on right now. She started out as an adorable young girl on Disney, and because of the attention and the fame she had begun to receive, only offered those parts of herself because that is what she was getting attention from. Since this never actually fulfills our hearts, and certainly not her own heart, she is led to offer more and more to gain that false sense of acceptance, and you see an explosion like at the VMAs.

Now I'm not here to rip on Miley. It truly breaks my heart to see anyone so divorced from their heart, where Christ desires to dwell. I know I have definitely been divorced from my heart at times as well. The fear of getting hurt again, the fear of feeling certain emotions, the fear of rejection can all lead someone to cut themselves off from their heart, keeping it boxed up so that it will never feel those things it doesn't want to feel. Even if you aren't intentionally doing this, it can happen gradually until one day, you begin doing things because you "don't care anymore", when really in the depths of your heart, you care immensely.

There is such a great danger in only affirming how people perform functionally, or in only noticing someone for one aspect of themselves. Because the truth is that human people are so much more and there is so much depth to an individual person. If a girl is repeatedly affirmed in her body and only her body, then she will soon believe that that is all she has to offer, and continually offer that to receive that acceptance, even though in her heart, she is broken and confused. If a young boy grows up being told that he is only good if he excels at a certain sport, then he will find himself playing that sport just to gain the acceptance, even if inside he would rather be doing anything but that. Then there is the young girl who grows up playing sports, wearing sweats, and then one day when she is older, decides she wants to start dressing up, letting her hair down, but is afraid of what other people say...this is who they know her to be, so she stays the same to keep the status quo, instead of doing what her heart is leading her to do.

This is the great divorce of the heart. The lives we live without really living at all. I only know because I used to be one of those girls and have since allowed the Lord to bring back together the bond that I had severed between my self and my heart to keep 'safe'. It can be a slow, scary, hard process to begin living from the heart, but there is something so freeing about living from the depths of your soul and doing the things you are truly passionate about doing. It can also be hard to figure out what the desires of your heart truly are. If you have been separate from your heart for so long, it might take some time to get to know your heart again, what makes it tick, what brings it the most joy, the most sorrow, and slowly allowing it to feel. Take some time to figure this out, and start really living. And if people reject you, then maybe it is time to find some new friends who care about your heart's desires and not just what they can get from you or what you have to offer. Because you are SO much more than that and you deserve to live out of your heart.

Hebrews 12:1

"12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us"

I am a runner.

I just started running ehhhh about a couple months ago. This is quite an accomplishment for me, because I used to be vehemently against running. Not that I didn't like it, but that I felt I could never be a runner. It was too hard, took too much effort, and I was lazy. But one day I snapped, and I put on my tennis shoes, ran the 1/2 mile around my block, and thought I was going to die on the side of the road. But for whatever reason I kept going. Now 25 runs and 71.4 miles later, I am a runner. I run at least 3 times a week, and average about 4-5 miles per trip. [[Who would have ever thought I would be posting about running??]]

There is something in particular though that strikes me every time I run. Without fail, the first mile or two are torturous. Absolutely brutal. My body is cramping, my lungs are struggling to keep up with how much oxygen I need, and through the music in my headphones, I hear my mind telling me to give up, stop running, this is too hard, you can't do it, it's not worth it.  And oh man, do I want to stop running. But, being the crazy Catholic that I am, I spiritualize everything. And as I am running and fighting with myself, I think about our spiritual lives. How often on our paths to purification do we want to give up because it is too hard? How often do we want to just listen to our bodies and let them dictate our actions? Allowing the Lord to heal our brokenness can be scary and painful. Being a Christian is hard sometimes. It may seem easier to just give in to temptation. The devil is constantly whispering give up, stop trying, this is too hard, you can't do it, it's not worth it. But it is so worth it. Because once you get passed the initial hurdles, it is smooth sailing. The endorphins kick in, your breathing finally regulates itself, your muscles are no longer tense, and you are flying down the pavement with the wind hitting your face, and you feel free. Once you allow the Lord to begin healing you and taking control of your life, once you give everything over to Him, only then can freedom be found.

So when it gets tough, ask Jesus to run with you. Ask Him to hold your hand and pull you through. And if you need Him to, I bet He would be even willing to carry you. (Trust me, He has had a lot of practice). Yes it may be hard, yes it may hurt, but if life is a race and Heaven is the finish line, I want to be sprinting full speed ahead, not stopping, not giving up, keeping my eyes fixed on the prize set before me, throwing aside all sin that might hinder me, and running with perseverance the race that is marked out for us.

Fight the good fight always.

Chick-fil-a controversy brings about a renewed hope but also a greater call for action

On August 1, 2012, thousands of people lined up for hours to show their support for Chick-fil-a and traditional marriage (different then hating gay people...just saying) and I have to say that I was blown away by the amount of people present there. With everything that has been going on lately, I had just lost all hope for humanity and the values that our great nation was founded upon. I really was not expected that many people to be there in support of the values that I hold so dear to my heart. I was almost moved to tears to see that we are not alone in this and that there are thousands of others fighting for the same cause. It gave me such joy and a fresh hope! But then I saw someone post this:

"You'd never see that many Christians lined up at a food bank or homeless shelter...and that's something Jesus actually said to do"

and I got really angry. At first I was angry because I was prideful and thinking 'How dare they even bring up what Jesus has said...since when do they even care about Jesus?!? What right do they have to accuse us like that??' But the more I thought about it, the more truth I saw in that unfortunate statement and the more convicted I felt to do something about it. We need to follow the lead of Blessed John Paul II and Mother Theresa and "go out into the streets" and be the hands and feet of Christ. We need to actively and regularly follow His commandments and bring His love to all those we meet. They may always have a bad taste in their mouth when it comes to Christianity, but don't let it be because we aren't doing what we say through Baptism that we are going to do. And this means more than just going to food banks and homeless shelters. It means pursuing a relationship with the Lord and doing our best to proclaim His word to all we meet. It means being on your knees every day begging for the Lord's mercy upon the world. I think it's time that we realize how crucial this time is, and how vital it is that Christians everywhere need to stop hiding who they are. Because by coming out on August 1st to eat at Chick-fil-a, you did more than just eat a sandwich. You showed the world a piece of who you are. Let's not let it stop at that. The world now knows who we are and how much we stand behind our values. As Uncle Ben said in Spiderman 1, "With great power comes great responsibility". We have the responsibility to be authentic Christians and do the Lord's work here on earth. The only Gospel someone may read could be your life. How are you going to live yours?