40 Days in the Desert

"This is my prayer in the desert, when all that's within me feels dry; this is my prayer in my hunger and need, my God is a God who provides"- Hillsong

Recently I have been thinking a lot about Jesus' 40 days spent in the desert being tempted by the devil and how we are called to imitate these 40 days during Lent. Now I know that it is not anywhere near Lent, but I believe that we are called to purify ourselves in this way throughout the year as well. An appropriate period of 40 days presented itself to me (long story) and I decided to take that time and detach emotionally from the things in my life that were hindering my relationship with the Lord. Fortunately, I have become very skilled in the art of emotional chastity having done an emotional dating fast last year. And by skilled I mean that I can recognize the areas where I have been failing and try to work on them... not that I'm good at being emotionally chaste. I still have a lot of room to grow! But the Lord has blessed me with the ability to be very self-aware and I know when I'm messing up. If you haven't gathered by now, women usually have the most difficulty in this area when men are involved. It has been very difficult for me to be still single while many of my close friends are getting married if not already hitched, and I'm sure many women out there experience this same thing. Its rough. But there is a beauty in it that I think many of us fail to realize. And it took me these 40 days to really realize it and see the beauty that there is in the suffering. This is time for you and the Lord. Allow Him to pursue you! Something that I did which was extremely helpful and beautiful, was to ask the Lord to pursue me. Actually, I told Him that I needed Him to,and I needed to be able to see and recognize His love for me on a daily basis. And let me tell you, as soon as I started asking Him this, He was more than happy to shower me with love, because that is what He is waiting to do for each and every one of us.

My "desert time" as I like to call it wasn't anything extravagant, I didn't isolate myself from society and withdraw for 40 days, I simply took the time to refocus myself and really look up at the Lord and wait upon Him, because everything happens in His timing. And you don't have to be single to do this. The Lord should always be your first, number one love. If you let Him, He will give you the most thrilling plan in existence, better than anything you could have ever dreamed of.

"But as for me, I will look to the Lord, I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me" - Micah 7:7

A little taste of Heaven

Nikon Coolpix L810 16.1MP Digital Camera with 26x Optical Zoom -A few weeks ago, I had the privelege of attending a healing service which was a part of the Charismatic Conference at Franciscan University. After the service (which was incredible and worth another blog post) the Eucharist was brought into the fieldhouse and processed throughout the rows of people while myself and the 100's of other men and women present sang praise and worship. A couple weeks after that, I had the same experience only at one of the various youth conferences which I attended as a prayer minister. I can't help thinking every time that this is what Heaven must be like: everyone singing in adoration and completely in awe of our Lord. I know that many people are freaked out by Charismatic praise, but in reality, it is just another element to our life as Christians. There are many references in scripture to "laying on of hands" and the various gifts of the spirit. St. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 12:1-11:

 "Now about the gifts of the Spirit, brothers and sisters, I do not want you to be uninformed. ² You know that when you were pagans, somehow or other you were influenced and led astray to mute idols. ³ Therefore I want you to know that no one who is speaking by the Spirit of God says, “Jesus be cursed,” and no one can say, “Jesus is Lord,” except by the Holy Spirit.⁴ There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. ⁵ There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. ⁶ There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.⁷ Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. ⁸ To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit,⁹ to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, ¹⁰ to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. ¹¹ All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines."

And just so we are all clear, the Holy Spirit is part of the Trinity... Father, Son, AND Holy Spirit. You have to have a healthy balance of all three :) I know some people aren't really "into that", but just think about it for a minute. The Holy Spirit is not some crazy ghost floating around that does scary things. He is one with the Father and the Son. The Catechism of the Catholic Church states: 

245 "The apostolic faith concerning the Spirit was confessed by the second ecumenical council at Constantinople (381): "We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord and giver of life, who proceeds from the Father."⁷¹ By this confession, the Church recognizes the Father as "the source and origin of the whole divinity".⁷² But the eternal origin of the Spirit is not unconnected with the Son's origin: "The Holy Spirit, the third person of the Trinity, is God, one and equal with the Father and the Son, of the same substance and also of the same nature. . . Yet he is not called the Spirit of the Father alone,. . . but the Spirit of both the Father and the Son."⁷³ The Creed of the Church from the Council of Constantinople confesses: "With the Father and the Son, he is worshiped and glorified."^74"

^{The Holy Spirit was given to the Apostles to be within and among them to help them in preaching and ministering to the people around them. And why wouldn't we want to use the same assistance that the Apostles did? And another thing: allowing the Holy Spirit to move within you brings your life so much peace and joy. I love praise and worship so I am a little biased, but why do I love it? I can't even express in words the immense peace and love that I feel when I am praising the Lord. My soul feels as though it is elevated and among the angels and saints in His presence. I'm sure it is not on the same level as the ecstasy of St. Teresa of Avila in which she felt at perfect union with Christ, but I feel like my heart is going to explode with the love that the Lord has for me and each and every one of his children. I would like to encourage those who shy away from praising the Lord in this way, but maybe give it a shot. You don't have to do anything extravagant. Maybe just start your day by inviting the Holy Spirit to guide you. A simple "come Holy Spirit" will do. Enjoy that little piece of Heaven on earth.}

Some random Pittsburgh History

So this is not anything deep, just something that I have been thinking about lately, and I feel that I need to briefly educate people on this topic: the topic of "Pittsburghese". For those of you who don't know, this is the language of the city of Pittsburgh, the manner in which us Pittsburghers talk. A lot of people outside of the Burgh know this simply as the word "yinz" but it is actually much more than that. We have a whole book dedicated to Pittsburgh speech and the way in which we formulate our words and phrases to sound different than anywhere else in the United States. I know there are a lot of "yinz" haters out there, so here is a bit of history for you on that. This word, used to address more than one person, comes from the Scottish-Irish immigrants who came to Southwestern, PA at the beginning of the 17th century. So no, we didn't just arbitrarily make up that word. You can take up your frustration with the European immigrants who came here centuries ago. It is always the same argument against the word yinz: "It doesn't make any sense, at least the word y'all makes sense". Well it doesn't have to make sense to be a part of our unique history and culture in Pittsburgh, and I'm sorry if you don't like it or don't have a language of your own, but we are quite proud of our Pittsburghese and I am prepared to fight for it! We are all entitled to our own opinions so no one is forcing you to like it, but I will say 'yinz' as much as my heart desires. From a proud Pittsburgher, I hope yinz have a good day :)

If you're interested in reading more about our history or how to speak like a Pittsburgher, here ya go!

http://pittsburghspeech.pitt.edu/PittsburghSpeech_History.html

http://pittsburghspeech.pitt.edu/PittsburghSpeech_PgheseOverview.html

A new year, a new life

At the beginning of January, I had the privilege to travel to Nicaragua with 9 others (4 of whom were my beautiful household sisters) and serve at the orphanages in Diriamba and Managua. Theses orphanages housed children who are disabled and who had been neglected and abandoned by their parents. I had never done anything like this before, so naturally I was a little bit nervous about what to expect. Well nervous is an understatement. When we got there, I started panicking. It was December 31st, 2011, new years eve. Little did I know though that my life was about to change.
The first night we were there, we were in mass with the kids, and of course the mass is in Spanish (which I don't speak). I was sitting there freaking out and looking at all the kids around me, and freaking out some more....I decided that I should probably pray. I asked the Lord to give me His heart and teach me how to love these kids, because I didn't know how to do it myself.
And that's when I started noticing things. The little boy sitting in front of me reminded me so much of my own 5 year old brother. Really, what makes them any different than my own siblings? Just because they have mental or physical disabilities doesn't make them scary. What am I so afraid of? Questions like this started running through my mind. I was pondering these thoughts as we returned back to the orphanage. Since it was New Year's eve, the kids were allowed to stay up and bring in the new year with a dance party and a pinata. Somewhere along the course of the evening, I experience something so powerful, so profound, that I have never experienced before: real, authentic, pure, joy. Now I'm not saying I have never been happy in my life, but this was something different, something so transcendent, so much more. I can't even really explain it. All I know is that my world was turned upside down that night. These kids just loved with such intensity. It doesn't make sense by the world's standards. These kids had been through so much in their lives. They have been abused, ridiculed for their differences, neglected, and yet they were the most loving, joyful people I have ever met in my entire life. My heart of stone had been turned into a heart of flesh. Even throughout the rest of week, while doing manual labor and pulling thousands and thousands of nails out of wood, I was so happy. I didn't care that my hands were sore, that I had scrapes on my arms and legs, that I was exhausted. I was just so joyful. Not even getting sick on the last day could shake the happiness that I had found there. The only thing that could, was the idea of leaving them. I thought that I was going to be fine, that I was ready to go home, but it wasn't until I was actually leaving and hugging them goodbye, that it hit me. I left my heart there with those kids, but I will forever hold onto that joy that they gave me. Everyone always says that you end up getting so much more than you give on trips like these, but I never expected to have my world become so much brighter. I had found my happiness. Of course I am still in pursuit of the ultimate happiness which is union with my Lord in Heaven, but I am one step closer to reaching that by having known these beautiful children in Nicaragua. I could not have thought of a better way to bring in the new year.

Vanessa, who stole my heart <3

Pulling out nails

My wonderful mission team

The Twilight obsession: A deeper look at the heart of women

So I was reading Breaking Dawn the other day, and I started thinking: What about Twilight, about Edward Cullen, makes teenage girls and young women so in LOVE with this teen vampire? And before you Twilight haters close this window because you don't want to read it, just hear me out. All the critics will tell you that it is because Edward is a gentleman and that he respects Bella and truly loves her. But I think it is more than that. It reflects the deepest desire of every woman's heart: to be loved and cherished FOR ETERNITY. Edward is immortal, which means he will love Bella forever. There is no parting at death. There is no breaking up, changing his mind, he is marrying her and once she is no longer mortal, they will be together forever. And every girl wants to be loved for eternity, with a selfless, undying, never ending love. Teenage girls are drawn to this. They invest so much of their emotion into this fantasy. Why? Because it reflects their deepest desire for Jesus Christ. Ladies, this doesn't have to be a fantasy. It does exist. Your God was mutilated, humiliated, in SO much pain dying for you on the cross so that you could be with Him forever. He will never leave you, not even at death will you part. And the best part is, you don't have to change who you are to be with Him forever. You don't have to "give up your soul and become a vampire". You don't have to feel like you're not good enough, not fast enough, not pretty enough, too clumsy, whatever it is. Come to Him as you are. Thats is the way he loves you the most. Your soul will not be destroyed by being with Him for eternity, rather your soul will flourish and become beautiful because of His undying, never ending LOVE. Invest your heart into this reality, not into the fantasy that is Edward Cullen. I'm not saying you can't love the Twilight Series, because I am a HUGE fan. But just remember this. Don't get so lost in these books that you forget who YOUR beloved is. Pursue Him, and everything else will fall into place. And I need to hear this as much as the next person. I get lost in this world too. Just tell yourself this: "I am my Beloved's, and His desire is for ME" Song of Solomon 7:10. Jesus is your Beloved. Before you sit down to read a Twilight book, or watch one of the movies, or go to the midnight premier of Breaking Dawn [Nov 18, see you there!! ;)] just remember that the love Jesus has for you is infinitely greater than the love between Edward and Bella, or any other glamorized fantasy couple for that matter. And men, don't think that you are exempt from this love, because He loves you just as much too.

Jesus is your Beloved, and His desire is for you. Take His hand, and live in that truth!

A little hope for your day!

"For we are powerless against this great multitude that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you" -2 Chronicles 20:12

Lately I have been hearing a LOT about all the destruction that is going on around us in the world. I don't know if it is because now I have nothing to do so I watch the news more, of if is because there actually is a lot more going on. Either way, I have been trying not to become fearful or discouraged by all the influence the devil has in our media, celebrities, and even in individual people with the countless number of murderers, rapists, etc. It is seriously heartbreaking how many people have fallen away from our Lord. I wish I could do something to make them all understand, but the thing is, I can't. There are too many of them. This 'great multitude' that is coming up against us as Catholics is so evident. But even though we feel powerless against this and at a loss as to what we should do, all we can do is keep our eyes fixed upon our Lord and follow Him. Through that, we will become living witnesses to our faith and to the healing power of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. That is really all we can do, but it is enough. "For we are powerless against this great multitude that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you" -2 Chronicles 20:12

Fight the good fight always.

Matthew 14: 27-32

" But immediately Jesus spoke to them and said, "Take heart, it is I; do not be afraid." Peter answered him, "Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water." He said, "Come." So Peter got out of the boat, started walking on the water, and came toward Jesus. But whne he noticed the strong wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, "Lord save me!" Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him saying, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?" When they got into the boat, the wind ceased. "

God comes to us most profoundly in the time of our darkness. Unfortunately, in the midst of our suffering, we don't see the Lord when He is right in front of us. We are terrified of the storm and we cry out in fear. Christ calls to us and tells us to come to Him but the wind gets tougher, the waves get higher. In this, we take our eyes off Him and become distracted by the darkness and we begin to sink. We have to realize how much we need to be saved. Notice that when Peter realizes this and cries out to the Lord, Jesus immediately reaches out to save him. He doesn't hesitate one second. He is just waiting patiently for us to cry out to Him and ask Him to save us. It is only when we humble ourselves and make ourselves vulnerable to Him that He will pull us from the water. Then the wind will cease.

I have really been thinking about this passage ever since I got back to school because it really parallels my life right now. I need to realize how much I NEED to be saved. I have become so consumed and distracted by lies and darnkess that I have taken my eyes off Him. I am just so scared to let Him save me. Why? Oh me of little faith, why do I doubt? That is the real question. I have based faith too much on feelings. What makes me feel happy, what makes me feel good about myself. It is not about that. Faith is about knowing truth and knowing the Lord even at times when you don't feel His love or His presence. We cannot get discouraged by that. In the midst of our suffering, even when we have lost sight of Him, He is still there, especially in our suffering. I feel slightly hypocritical saying all this because I am really trying to tell myself this and believe it, but its hard. I know He is there, I just need to get passed the doubt and the fear and walk on the water too.