Monday, October 28, 2013

"The saint that is just me"

I have a problem. And I think it is a very common problem. It is the problem of comparison. For myself, it is the problem of comparing myself to the holiness of others. I think this is extremely common in authentically Catholic circles, and I know it is something that  happens at FUS as well as within my friendships. Not only that though, but also with the saints in Heaven. 

I was just talking to a friend the other day about this, and how I find myself comparing my life and my situations with those of my friends. I have friends who are missionaries, friends who are doing awesome ministries, friends who just seem to be making such an impact on the world... and sometimes I feel inferior. It always seems to me that they would be the ones who would be picked out as "most likely to become a saint", because people know about them. They are out there doing awesome, holy things, and I am just sitting here behind a computer screen, living a subtle quiet life of 40 hr work weeks and being crazy busy. I struggle to get up for 6:30 mass every day because I am just too tired. I have the tendency to think "No one would probably ever think that I would become a saint..." 

Truth be told, it shouldn't matter what other people think. I shouldn't need other people to affirm me in my pursuit of sainthood. I know in my heart, and God knows, how much I want to become a saint and how (very badly at times) I am trying. The problem is, I want to make an impact on the world. I want to do something extravagant for Christ. Maybe this is my pride speaking, the desire to be recognized, but whatever it stems from, it causes me to compare. I look at the saints and all the things they have done in their lives and I want to be them. When my life (obviously) doesn't mirror their lives, I become discouraged. I feel as though I have fallen short. This is what the devil wants me to think, and I need to speak truth to that lie. Jesus wants all of us to become saints and to do so in our own ways. He desires to make me a saint. He desires to make YOU a saint. And He will do that if we continue following Him every day, and continually laying down our lives at His feet. 

If you have never heard Danielle Rose's song The Saint That is Just Me, you HAVE to listen to it. It helps get me through these moments of comparison. 
"You didn't die so I would try to be somebody else.You died so I could be the saint that is just me"


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